WHORING ONESELF OUT IN AN AIRPORT FOR A FREE PLACE TO SLEEP: A STEP-BY-STEP GUIDE

STEP ONE: Locate victim. Optimal candidates include late-night construction workers with presumably overweight wives, wealthy solo tourists who don’t speak the local language, or beat-down counter guys about to end their shifts.

STEP TWO: The proposal.

Spanish: “¿Sabes dónde por aquí es lo mejor para dormir? Uno o dos personas, me da igual.”

English: “You might need some help finding your hotel. Or keeping warm in it.”

French: “Salut, tu veux niquer ou quoi ?”

STEP THREE: Repeat if necessary.

STEP FOUR: Reap your winnings — not sleeping backwards on a handicap toilet for the sixth time in three months.

 

Written at 4:23 AM backwards on a handicap toilet in Barcelona El Prat. Take note: a portable World of Warcraft poster adds an instant touch of homeyness to any public shitter.

barca

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