spit them out, these wasted days and wet-green nights rising up from your esophagus to greet against anyone’s will your
lovers and your sisters and your friends and your parents make them
worry for you but never too much just enough to catch a whiff of the smoldering
human brains on stone tiled floors where
cold gets in so easy feel it creeping up the carnage contaminated by the time
it grabs your feet and legs to drag you under
i’m okay, i’m okay — you’re shoveling shouting reaching out to grab hold of whatever’s in reach
creamy rose pink with green sparkles dribbles thick makes you feel
safe watching feel the grip slip this is how we
fight our wars with pink with glitter with ooze like
crying all that bile from your eyes the sticky
worms running playground drills up and down your throat
red rover, red rover, why don’t you come over?
red used to scare you always creeping in or up
more often out
that drip drip down your shaking knees that
seeping out the gashes in your stomach like a watermelon past its prime now just remember– don’t eat the seeds, you can’t afford for anything to grow inside you, and neither can the anything– that environment is uninhabitable
for living things
Made an Aussie friend today. I had seen her hanging about before and very nearly approached her with a casual “You’re the only one of these fuckers I want to be friends with” but thought that might be too forward considering I was basically judging her strictly by appearance and she could still be an asshole. I think I was right though, she’s a cool chick. The rest of the international students (including other Oregonians but excluding PDXers) are irritating on an other-worldly level, like inner-thigh-chafe-at-the-county-fair irritating, or rather can’t-sleep-due-to-mosquitoes-buzzing-in-your-ears-and-you-repeatedly-sleep-slap-yourself-in-the-face irritating (which I have very recent experience with as well.)
Anyway my wallet was stolen today at the fac, though I do accept full responsibility for the loss as I was asleep through all of class and still groggy during break when I went to buy espresso and a blood orange. The douchy counter guy yelled at me when I touched his muffins (kid you not) and in my grog and distress I most likely set it down someplace intelligent like on the floor or in a toilet and someone, wisely, lifted it.
Fortunately I have been mentally and emotionally prepared for this to happen the entire time I’ve been in Lyon, and have been storing only cash and my buss pass in the wallet, so all in all it’s like a 40€ cost — annoying, but not as bad as a day with the other international students, see above.
Regardless, I’m getting tested for narcolepsy in October when ma sécurité sociale kicks in. This shit has gone too far. I even stood up in class today to keep from sleeping and then fell asleep leaning on the wall.